A Heart For Two

It’s been a long time since I last posted a blog here. Well, it’s a Saturday and I have nothing to do so I checked this out again. My fourth year high school life is going well. I’m starting to love my class. There have been lots of changes too. Well, not much really. I’m still friends with my friends. I’m still in love with the PERSONS I love. No, just kidding. The truth is, I don’t understand my heart anymore. There are two guys I think I’m in love with. One is taken and one is not. One is my best friend and one is my close friend.

The person I liked and loved since the fifth grade is my best friend now. Just thinking of eveything I’ve been through with him makes me smile. For years, God brought me to this situation. I’m really thankful. He’s like my bestest friend at present.

Then here’s my former sixth grade classmate, my close friend whom I call ‘Kapatid’ (sibling.) He’s someone who’s important to me. The second person I fell in love with. I regret some of the memories I had with him. How we started was a perfect question and a wrong answer at a very wrong time. I never knew if that question was serious. I fell in and out of love with him a lot of times and at present, my heart’s feeling so idle.

My best friend’s taken but I still love him. On the other hand, as much as I want to deny this fact, it seems like my close friend is growing apart from me and from us little by little. Since my ‘big brother’, his cousin, started to withdraw from school because soon they’re leaving for Canada, I can’t spend much time with Kapatid anymore. Oh and by the way, they’re leaving too someday. I miss him. I do miss him a lot. We still talk sometimes but the time we spend with him lessens and lessens. I will miss him.

I can’t express how much I love or maybe like ‘M’ when I’m with my best friend. I think he feels jealous? I’m not sure but the situation seems like that. I really don’t know if I still love my close friend but I’m sure of one thing – I will kill me to lose him.

I will kill me to lose the both of them. They have become very close to my heart and I don’t want anyone to leave because for sure, I won’t. I will never ever leave. Once they’re in my heart, they’re there forever.

Anyway, what’s going on now is something I should feel thankful for. After crying and crying, here I am, smiling and loving my life again. Free of worries and I don’t feel hurt anymore. Is it because I don’t love Kapatid anymore? And because I’m spending more time with my best friend? I don’t feel so affected anymore. I’m happier this way.