Hopes

Dear you, I think writing this is the only way to tell you how much you mean to me without you seeing it. Yes, you won’t but maybe you will. (I secretly hope you do.)

Of all the people I knew, you were one of the few with the kindest hearts. Sadly, time didn’t like us much. It was a strange time when we met each other, a strange time when I fell for you.

They say you shouldn’t trust words without actions but I fall to easily with words. I fell for your words without knowing you that much yet. But inside me, I knew that was real because I’m not too blind to see that.

Timing’s a badass tho. I waited for you, hoping that one day you’ll start something. But it didn’t happen. And so I gave up on you. I told myself that I was just waiting for something that will never happen. So I tried to forget you. So I opened my heart again. I tried not to miss out on the wonderful opportunities that waits for me.

There were a couple of guys who I fancied back then. Others didn’t work out because the feelings weren’t mutual. Others did.. but ended up ending anyway because of me. Do you have an idea why?

Because somewhere deep down, though I try to hide, though I try to forget, my heart will always be searching for you.

Do you know that I waited and waited for you but you never came? Do you know that I always get stunned whenever I see you? Every time. At school and at the streets. Every single time. Do you know that after seeing you again, I was so afraid to walk anywhere because I might see you with someone else. Because if I do, that would already be the end of me. Do you know that if I would be given the chance to go back to the past, I would repeat December 19, 2014? Do you know why? Because that was the day you finally came. That was the day I would never forget and I would gladly repeat if given the chance. That was the day I had a touch of heaven. So if ever you see me again on the street smiling alone, it’s probably because I was thinking about that day. Do you know what day I would also repeat? March 21, 2015. Because it is One Direction’s concert and I got VIP tix? Nah. Because I regret saying what I said to you so damn much. I’m so sorry. If I didn’t say that, would it change the present? Would it change things? Because when I tried.. when I asked you out to make it up to you, I didn’t expect that. I didn’t prepare myself for that.

The day that I saw you again, I knew it. I knew why it didn’t work out with anyone else. I wasn’t able to forget you again anymore. There was never a day that passed that I never thought of you.With you I saw and felt butterflies, rainbows, and glitters of radiant colors. With the other guys, I never felt that way again. Something’s always missing. Something’s always lacking.

Is it possible to fall for someone you hardly know? I believe it is.

I know that merely seeing this would barely make a difference between us. I know that this wouldn’t change your feelings towards me and the way you see me. I know that you alone can dictate your own heart.

I just want you to know that wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing, I am still thinking of you. Constantly. Again, there will never be a day that will pass without you crossing my mind. You’re my free time, my vacant period.

Every single day, I am praying for your success and your happiness. I pray that you achieve your dreams and goals in your life. I pray that things will always go your way, I pray that you may receive good health and safety.

What will happen to us, only God knows. I won’t lie this time.. that I’m still wishing and hoping that one day you’ll come knocking at my door. I’m still hoping that one day it would be you and me. That you are the one I’ve been waiting for my entire life. Hoping that everything will be worth it. Hoping that I would live a life of happiness with you.

But there is no certainty. There is no guarantee. That it would be you, that it would be us.

Someone can love be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready. – Nayyirah Waheed

Yes. I’m holding on to that quote. I told myself to leave but no matter how hard I try to tell myself to leave, I would end up coming back to the bridge every day to wait for you. But know that I am trying my best not to wait for you.

I wrote this because I want you to know how much you mean to me without me telling you directly. Because I’m not brave enough to tell you this. I wrote this because I’m still hoping that things will change if ever you see this.

I am still waiting for you. And I promise I will be patient. I promise I will wait no matter how long it takes. If ever you are already taken by someone else, please let me know. Because that would be my go signal to leave the bridge.

You don’t rush things you want to last forever.

Know that whatever God plans for us, whatever happens in this life, you will always have a space in my heart. And it will stay there forever.

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A Girl Living An Extraordinary Life

Hi! Welcome to my page. I’m Leanne. 14 years old, turning a year older on November 30. I’m a junior student of SLU-LHS. I’m the eldest in our family. I have a brother in the first year and a sister in the first grade.  I live with my family, cousins, uncle, and grandparents. I’m a jolly person. I smile and laugh often. I’m also a sentimental person. They say that the people who laugh often usually have the biggest problems in life. Well, I guess I’m one of them. I love simplicity, the simple things, and the simple way of life.

I am a top ten since elementary. I graduated at Saint Louis University-Laboratory Elementary School. At present, I study at Saint Louis University-Laboratory High School. Dung the first year, I was in the Science section but I was not able to make it during second year because of Algebra.

During the first grading this year, I’m the third in our class and I was able to make it in the honors. I’m really doing my best this time because last year, I let my parents down. I need to make it up to them and I’m glad that my grades improved. I’m hoping that I can maintain my grades until this school year is finished. One more year to go and I’ll graduate high school. I’m still choosing what course I will take. I’m still deciding whether I’ll take Nursing or Medicine.

I love to play Badminton and I consider this as my favorite sport. I joined the Badminton Club during the first year but I stopped playing because I don’t attend other trainings. Now that our intramurals is per batch, we have a class team and I decided to play badminton. They also asked me to play basketball. I joined anyway even though I don’t know how to play.

I would also like to play an instrument.  My best friends are members of the Junior Band but this is not the main reason why I’d like to join. I want to join because of my willingness to learn. Since I was in second year, I’d like to join the Junior Band. I was losing hope that time because I thought maybe it was too late so I just forgot about it and another thing is, my mother noticed that I always change my mind when making important decisions. Maybe because at times, I feel like I won’t be welcomed if I join. I promised myself that I won’t change my mind this time because this it what I want to do. This second grading, two of my classmates joined the Junior Band. I really regret that last year, we didn’t make any actions about this. Our only problem is that we don’t know where we can but a cheaper but authentic instrument. I shouldn’t give up if I really want to learn. Until now, I’m still hoping that we can find a flute as soon as possible. Soon, I’ll blog about this topic more.

Here’s another thing about me. I’m addicted to chocolates! I don’t remember when this started but all I know is that I love it very much. Every time my mom’s friends give her chocolates, she gives it to me because she knows that I really love it. When we receive imported chocolates, I even take pictures of it. I also collect the wrappers and cases. I know these can make me fat but I eat moderately because I don’t want to be fat just because of chocolates.

The words special, memories, moments, life and everything really matter to me.  I love to capture the small but so special moments with my loved ones. I think that everyday is special. I cherish and love every moment of my life. I don’t forget the memories easily and I believe that I can save these special moments through the pictures I take. It’s like I own our camera because I’m the one who is using it often. I always bring it with me even if there are only small occasions or events at school like our Talent Fest and Jingle Competition. So if you’ll take a look at my Facebook account, you’ll see lots of pictures of my friends, my classmates and the school.

I love God, my family, my friends, and my life. Life is full of surprises. No one knows what the future holds for us. We should expect the unexpected. Change for the better. Love more. Laugh often. Live life to the fullest. And cherish every moment of everyday.

That’s all.  Thanks a bunch! 🙂